07 Oct Doing It My Way
They say that a woman in her forties has more of a chance of getting hit by lightening than getting hitched, but Tara Banon, a 40 year old mother of five, is about to set the record straight in more ways than one.
Nineteen years ago Tara gave birth to her first son Jake. She then waited sixteen years before having her first daughter Kate, and four months after that she got pregnant with her third child, Ben.
As a final shot in baby baking, just over 6 months ago, Tara gave birth to twins, Faye and Emma. That makes Tara the mother of a 19 year old, a 3 year old, a 2 year old, a pair of 6 month year old twins, and just recently, her eldest son also became a father, making Tara a grandmother.
But that’s not all. Tara is also about to get married for the very first time. Her fiancé Oliver, is ten years her junior, he is the father of four of her kids, goes by the name of Loici, and at 31, has just become the youngest step-grandfather known to man.
Whilst balancing a twin on one lap, and negotiating with mischievous Ben on the other, Tara nonchalantly explains to Alison Bezzina what has led to what she calls her wonderful life.
“My English grandparents retired in Malta when I was still very young,” she starts, indicating that everything pivots on this one main event.
“At the time I was still a toddler and lived with my family in England but when my parents started going rough tough patch, my mum sent me to my grandparents for a short holiday in Malta. I was only four years old at the time, and I remember travelling to Malta alone, with chocolates hidden in my toy carry cot. An air hostess took care of me on the plane, and my grandparents were waiting at the airport, but what was supposed to be a short holiday, turned out to be a two year stay.
Eventually, my parents came to Malta, and for a while I flew back and forth with them to England while they tried to work things out, but by the time that I turned ten, they had separated, and my mother moved to Malta permanently. She started working as a full time beautician, and I got to spend a lot of time with my grandmother.
At twenty, I met Keith, a great man whom I’m still good friends with till this very day. At that age, and possibly because of my peculiar childhood, I was yearning for security and stability, and soon enough I got pregnant. I gave birth to Jake when I was only twenty one, and though Keith and I stayed together for twelve years, we never got married. We never wanted to rush into things and didn’t feel any pressure to officially tie the knot. Not even our parents tried to convince us because it really didn’t matter to anyone that we were unmarried and had a child together.
When Keith and I eventually split up, I was thirty two, and Jake was already a teenager. At first I was at a bit of a lose end because my friends were also Keith’s friends, and since most of them were guys, it was more natural for them to stick with him. But thankfully, it was never that hard for me to make new friends and though I wasn’t partying till the early hours of the morning, I was going out more, socializing and getting to know new people through my catering job.
I was never out looking for a boyfriend, because I honestly believe that the harder you look, the less likely it is to meet someone decent, and then, six years ago, on St. Patrick’s day, I was out having my usual fun with friends, when someone introduced me to Oliver.
From the start we got on like a house on fire, but because of our age difference, we didn’t think that it would last. At first we became good friends, and then we started seeing each other in hiding but because we thought that it was going to be just a little bit of fun and nothing more. A few weeks down the line we were still together, and we started to wonder whether we were so excited about each other simply because it was still a secret. So a couple of months later we came out to family and friends, and our relationship took off from there. Soon enough, I even introduced Oliver to Keith, and because they are both great guys, they got along just fine.
Jake loved Oliver from the start and when I asked Jake what he would have liked for Christmas, his answer was ‘I’d like a Loici ma’. The feeling was quite mutual because Loici was always great with kids. Once, in the early days of our relationship, he told me that he couldn’t meet up, because he was taking Elisa to the cinema. I was stumped of course, and upon hearing my silence over the phone, he added, “Elisa is my friend’s six year old daughter, hon.” I guess that’s when I realised just how much Oliver wanted a big family.
Although Oliver is more than ten years younger than me, he’s more mature than most men I know, and to add to the perfect equation, he’s got a wonderful supportive family. Even though they come from quite a conservative background, they were always very accepting. Not only did they accept the age difference, and had no issues with the fact that I already had a child, they’ve also always been supportive and immensely helpful.
Oliver’s mum helps me out with the kids three afternoons a week, as does my mum and I have to say that they are both life savers, because although we always wanted a big family, we had no idea how fast it would actually happen, and what hard work it would entail. Let’s face it, when we planned Kate, our first child together, I was already in my late thirties, so we didn’t imagine that Oliver would cough and I’d get pregnant, and that’s what happened every time, of course with a double whammy at the end!
Unfortunately Oliver’s father passed away last year and today we feel that one of the twins was sent by him. You see, after Ben, who at the time was only two years old, we planned for one last child, that’s as much as I would concede to, and even though Oliver always secretly wished for twins, I never thought it would happen. Ironically it did and when I learnt that I was carrying two babies and not one, it was the first and only time that Oliver had missed an appointment with the gynaecologist.
We’ve now been together for six years, and we’ve joked about getting married all along – when I was about to turn forty, I jokingly told Oliver that he wasn’t going to get a half price wedding just because I was getting older, and added that I didn’t intend to walk down the aisle holding a zimmer frame. And, over the years, when all our friends started tying the knot, Loici would jokingly tell them ‘don’t tell Tara please.’
So why now? “Why not I say? I have now found my soul mate, and have no fear committing to spend the rest of my life with him. I’m content, and as corny as it sounds, nothing fazes me because Oliver is my rock. The wedding, on the other hand, is a stressful point of contention because even though I never wanted a big fussy celebration, no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I resist, the whole fairy tale wedding is taking on a life of its own. I can honestly say that the wedding is the only thing that Loici and I ever argue about.
But, thankfully, we share a sense of humour, and that’s what keeps us in love and somewhat sane. I’m constantly teasing him about things, in public and in front of friends, and he does the same to me. We can take a lot of pranks from each other because we’re on the same wavelength and trust each other blindly. For instance at the moment the in joke is that he’s become a step grandfather at the age of 31!
I’m not too worried that my eldest son is only 19 and a fresh father to a gorgeous girl. He’s always been good with children and I have no doubt that he’ll be a good dad. Of course I don’t want him to miss out on life, but the upside is that my twins are only six months older than his baby, so we’ll be seeing a lot of each other and enjoying the nappy fest for quite a while.
Financially it can be quite hard to have four children within four years, not to mention a grandchild too. I obviously can’t work because I wouldn’t be able to cope, so we survive on one salary. Both our families and friends are very helpful and I’m extremely grateful for the time they spend with us, even if they just come over, make a cup of tea, and provide me with some adult conversation. Of course Oliver and I had to give up on certain things for the kids, but these are sacrifices that we are very willing to make for our family.
Sometimes, Loici and I look at each other and whisper ‘what have we done? We’re never going to have a life again!’ but soon enough it’s ‘mummy I’m thirsty’, or ‘daddy I’m hot’, and it’s back to our wonderful life.
