25 Mar Children online – where’s your safety net?
A couple of years ago British child psychologist Dr Tanya Byron, set up a study that looked at the risks that children are exposed to when using the internet. The report revealed that, in general, parents feel that they are not equipped enough to handle their children’s presence in the online space.
To compound the issue, cyber space functionality and content are ever changing. Some subjects have always been and will always be clearly unsuitable for children, but there are areas where the line becomes fuzzy.
For example information on drugs, relationships and, even violence can at times be age-inappropriate, but how do we teach our children to filter what is and what isn’t?
With the explosion of Facebook, Twitter and other such sites there’s also the issue of contact. Up to a few years ago we only had email and chat rooms to worry about, but now with the universality and anonymity of social networking sites, we’re all open to all kinds of online crimes and even bullying.
Whilst there is some very good software that can help parents monitor and control their child’s online space, it seems that parent-child communication is still considered to be the most critical factor in staying safe online.
Martin Duca has two daughters aged 13 and 11. Like most parents he worries about whom they might be chatting with and which sites they browse.
“I like to think that if something untoward ever happens to my children online, they will feel safe enough to talk to me about it. This will give me the opportunity to discuss matters and to try to show them what the outcome of their actions might be. I tend to invest more in building a trust relationship with my daughters as opposed to an authoritative one, but when I smell something fishy, policing kicks in, and I don’t think that it’s because my children happen to be girls; I think I would do the same had they been boys. My wife and I agreed to only allow them to use the computer in the presence of an adult, which means that we don’t have to give them a forbidden list of sites because we are there to see what they are doing. ”
Rosanna Ciliberti also has two children – a girl aged 14 and a boy 10.
“I think that my son is still a bit naive, so I don’t worry much about him using a mobile because he only uses it for games as he does with the internet. He has asked me to open a Facebook profile, but I haven’t conceded yet.
I have realised however that he’s become somewhat addicted to computer games and, although he does not play with others online, he does watch video tutorials on how to play hem. Once he even asked me to meet an American man who posts good videos online.
Of course I forbid him from playing games that are too violent, but sometimes he starts off looking for something and ends up following an inappropriate link. When this happens he usually comes to tell me that he came across something ‘rude’.
My daughter on the other hand is older, and she’s already an expert on both Facebook and mobile communication. I worry about the friends she adds, so I insist on having her username and password, which means that on any occasion, I can check what she is doing. Once I found messages from a guy who was asking her inapppropriate questions, such as ‘so Sarah do you like being nauhty’ and’how do you like being naughty’. At the time she had not realised what such questions meant so, I spoke to her about it then blocked the sender. I warned her that if she decided to add him again I would close her Facebook account for good.
When it comes to using her mobile, her weekly credit quota automatically limits her usage. I am aware that she locks her mobile with a password but I don’t worry much about that because I feel that I have a good enough relationship with her to allow her that level of trust.
Dr. Andrew Azzopardi is a Senior Lecturer at the University of Malta. His lecturing & research focus on inclusive education, sociology, critical pedagogy, disability politics, youth and community studies. He also has two children, a boy and a girl aged 16 and 13 respectively.
“It is more than understandable for parents to worry about their children using mobile telephony and internet, especially social media, but this does not mean that we should live without it.
In my opinion the ‘moral panic’ that that tends to encapsulate the use of internet and computers is a big joke. Historically this happened with the advent of radio and even TV, and then again when video games were introduced, and yet our society has managed to create more good than bad out of all this.
These systems, and these ‘new’ media have only contributed to enhance our communities and respond to the challenges of globalization.
On the other hand, no social group is homogeneous. The levels of maturity to process data and to respond to pressures and covert messages, varies from one person to another. Even people of the same age vary let alone those of different age groups.
This is where education comes in, and not just formal education but also non-formal and informal. It is important that young children are developed critically, enabled to engage with their communities and societies, and that we are able to teach them to check before they accept what is ‘thrown’ at them. It is also very important to enhance their sense of self-confidence that essentially makes them their ‘own persona’. That is why media education is so important in schools and should be blended in with other important instruction and experiential teaching that goes on in PSD and other subjects like citizenship.”
David Falzon has a twelve year old daughter. Two years ago he decided to give her a mobile phone in order to be able to contact her whenever he wanted to.
“The novelty only lasted two weeks, and then, like most kids her age, she hardly charged it or switched it on again. Though she’s so good at using my mobile and my computer she doesn’t have a Facebook account yet.
She does have an email and Skype account however, but as far as I know, she only uses it to contact friends. Sometimes, much to her dismay, I check out what she’s writing whilst she’s chatting away.
The situation was very different when I was growing up. We only had the odd telephone call to friends to co-ordinate a Saturday night meeting, but times change and this electronic gadgetry is now part of our kids’ life. It’s something we need to accept and learn to live with the best way we can.”
Sorry but I changed most of it as when I saw myself quoted I cringed – I already have a bad name of being a Mormon and I don’t want to encourage it!!
As well as being the mother of two children Denise Borg is a Clinical Psychologist by profession – she has a boy aged 10 and a girl aged 8 and she describes her parenting style as somewhat alternative.
She thoughtfully made screens less available by having one computer in the entire house, and her children generally use it only during the time when she’s not, automatically limiting their ‘screen time’.
“I want my children to be at the beach throwing sand, climbing trees, tracking on rough terrain, and playing with Lego because children need these activities so that they practice being in the adult world later on.
Some parents may have misunderstood the essential need for play and may allow computers to substitute play and leisure time. However play is an integral and extremely important part of the development of children and has a specific purpose in their lives. I do believe in creating time for play and making it an essential part of my children’s life.
Of course using a computer or playing computer games is by no means evil but it does need to be monitored and limits need to be set. As a psychologist I meet teenagers who tell me that they kill hundreds of people/soldiers on screen on a daily basis. No matter how open you want to be in a techno-sense – that is simply discomforting.
Children need to develop their minds and not simply be on the receiving end. There is a lot of material which is not appropriate for children and it is not always possible to filter it out. Sure there is a lot of great stuff on internet and I am eternally grateful for it, but it’s all about balance. I want my children to take their time growing up and to have the opportunity for a variety of experiences.
When it comes to gender I think there is a difference between boys and girls. I’m m not sure what research says about this but I do have a sneaking suspicion that boys are more screen-hooked than girls. Girls can spend hours undoing your wardrobe and wrecking your party dresses and shoes, whilst boys are more likely to have to be dragged out to the fields in order to get them off the computer screen.
Although I limit my children’s screen exposure I try never to put a ban on anything. I think kids will find a way to get anything they want and it might be more exciting once the parent has ‘forbidden’ it. I try to reason with them and explain the issues at hand. I don’t fill their heads with information about who died and who massacred who in a school, but I do inform them about what helps them develop better, about their brain as opposed to their mind, about their conscious as opposed to their unconscious. I tell them that some matters are ‘adult secrets’ and they need not fill their minds with negativity. It’s quite surprising how, when given the chance, children can understand that material and how easy it is to refer to it when needed. It’s like with adults on the road – you educate them and you give them penalties. I tend to use only the former and use other methods to avoid carrying out the latter.
Dr. Andrew Azzopardi agrees that children need to be given the power to see right from wrong.
“There are people lying in waiting ready to pounce on children either to sell products or for other reasons, namely sexual in nature. It is here that our systems must be in place, firstly by educating, secondly by helping children develop their own structures of protection and, thirdly by ensuring that our cyber world is well-patrolled by our institutions, namely the police.
This can only minimize the dangers of pornography, false identities on social media amongst other. If I had to give an example on how I was brought up, it might help to illustrate what I’m on about. When I was still a small boy, 30 or so years ago, it would be pretty normal to go play in the field, stay till late outside chasing a ball or running around with the bike. Nowadays the scenario would be different because societies have changed, our neighborhoods have changed. Nowadays, I would ask my children to keep in touch through their mobiles, send me a mobile text every so often, not to stay out after dark, and not to play in the street. We have automatically as parents constructed and developed new systems that are there to protect the children.
My final take on this debate is that parents need to know as much if not more than their children. They need to familiarize themselves with Facebook, Twitter, Ask Fm and social media in general. They also need to place their children’s computers in strategic places in the house, use software that safeguards their children and have a good enough rapport with them.”
David Miles, The European director of the Family Online Safety Institute (Fosi) agrees that communication between parents and their children is paramount, but warns parents about getting too close and too clingy. He warns that children need some sense of space and freedom and when children feel they are being repressed, they go the other way.
