01 Sep A Silent Scream
This true story was first published in Pink Magazine August 2012
The one thing Kathryn Fenech Soler could always depend on is the one thing she’s losing for good – her voice. Alison Bezzina reads her lips to shout out her story about what happens when someone cannot communicate anymore. You either turn into an introvert – or in her case, you find a way to help others feel better and regain their own health through the faculties you still have.
For Kathryn (50), the spoken word always held a special place in life and love. From an early age she relied on the strength of her voice to stand out from the crowd, landing her on theatre stages and the small screen. Later on, her passion for acting matured into a passion for helping others and teaching, but as luck would have it, the one thing that Kate could always depend on, is the one thing she’s losing for good – her voice.
“I was the youngest of seven siblings,” says Kathryn, “so ever since I was a little child our house had, in-laws, relatives, friends and neighbours, constantly coming in and out rattling the building with their loud conversations. Being the youngest and smallest, I soon had to figure out a way of getting a word in edgeways and I did this by singing at the top of my lungs and repeating everything anyone said in a parrot-like fashion.”
When Kate was only eleven years old she was chosen to take part in that year’s National Drama Festival at the Manoel Theatre and thanks to the power of her voice, she won a gold medal for the title of best actress and soon after she became an active member of the school’s choir. As a young adult Kathryn went on to take part in a series of plays on TV and on stage.
“My acting career was cut short by life,” says Kate jokingly. “When I met my husband I preferred to spend time with him than at rehearsals, so I gave it up. But my voice still came in handy when I started to work as a physiatrist in my sisters’ salon, and also when I started teaching beauty therapy courses,” she explains nostalgically.
Soon after getting married in the early 80s, Kate was chosen to represent Malta in what was at the time called The Ideal Woman Competition. “It was an unforgettable experience,” says Kate. “I flew to Italy for the competition and made some great connections.”
“Upon my return I soon got pregnant with my first daughter who was closely followed by my second. As a way of juggling home life and work, I started my own home beauty business offering a holistic approach to an array of physical and mental ailments. My clients became friends; they shared their lives and problems with me so, besides helping them to look better, I also showed them empathy and encouraged them to get better. I found that the right choice of words and tone of voice was essential when it came to helping people effectively. b”
“Many years later, I found myself yearning for a change, and when a friend suggested going back to teaching I jumped at the opportunity. It started out as a part-time job helping out in an English Language school just for the busy summer months, but I loved teaching so much that I decided to get fully EFL qualified. My theatrical background came in handy but even when I eventually joined the school on a full time basis I never gave up my beauty business completely. In hindsight this was a blessing in disguise.”
“A few years into my teaching career I started to notice that something very strange was happening to my voice. Whilst talking, sometimes a few syllables would not come out right. I would be talking normally but the last few syllables could hardly be heard. In order to be understood I’d have to repeat myself and raise my voice to the point that I sounded breathless. This got worse and worse until, the last few syllables were completely silent and I couldn’t communicate over the phone at all. It was a very frustrating situation which had my family and friends very worried particularly because I was turning into an introverted person as opposed to my usual bubbly self.”
“I started off with visiting every GP I knew, then I went to ENTs, followed by speech therapy, conventional therapy and alternative natural therapy, but nothing worked. Finally I even went to a psychologist just to make sure that I wasn’t losing my marbles, and it was confirmed that I wasn’t. Just when I was at my wits’ end I was diagnosed with Laryngeal Dystonia – an involuntary spasm of the muscles around my voice box. Another ENT specialist confirmed the diagnosis and informed me that there is no cure for the condition. He advised me to learn to live with it because the treatment to help the symptoms is very dangerous. After a lot more research and having tried several therapeutic remedies abroad, my voice kept getting worse. Whenever I spoke I sounded like I was choking on my own words; as though someone was strangling me. My throat and the back of my tongue felt scalded, and I was incessantly thirsty. Though my self confidence had reached rock bottom and I was avoiding speaking to people whenever possible, I kept on teaching. Thankfully most students appreciated my ability to teach even though sometimes they found it hard to understand me.”
“As more time passed I was getting more and more desperate, and then, I was hit by a stroke of good luck – I was invited to a seminar for speech therapy students where I met an Egyptian professor who upon hearing my voice immediately suggested Botox injections as a short term remedy. I had already read about this treatment that would bring my voice back temporarily, but nobody in Malta had wanted to do the procedure. I considered flying to Egypt to get the treatment, but before I left I finally managed to convince my ENT specialist in Malta to try it.
The first time round, the treatment wasn’t successful because it was done under local anaesthetic and my voice box turned out to be too small. The second time I was given general anaesthetic and they managed to inject the Botox in my vocal chords through my mouth. Miraculously it worked and two weeks after the procedure my voice started to come back, and soon enough I had a perfect voice. This lasted about two months, but then, as expected, the Botox started to wear off and so did my voice.
Despite knowing the toxic effects of Botox I’ve been having the treatments ever since, and every time the dose increases slightly thus exacerbating the side-effects. About a month ago, I took my last dose and after I was in so much pain that I couldn’t even open my mouth let alone swallow food. One side of my jaw was swollen and I had no voice at all for three whole weeks. My blood pressure was at an all time low and my body ached all over. I felt so lethargic I swore I would never go through it again. It was at this point that I realised that there was no way that I could go back to teaching.
Seeing me in that state my youngest daughter Emma, who is a sport massage therapist offered a gentle sport massage to cheer me up. Feeling so miserable I insisted on a very gentle version with some essential oils, and it worked miracles. I remember lying on the couch thinking that if I could go back to being a physiatrist and make people feel this good even when things are so bad, then I would feel blessed and fulfilled. I had been considering quitting teaching for a while but the feeling that that massage managed to stir up in me, helped me take the final decision. Though I will still use my voice to speak to my clients, by not having to teach I know that I can prolong the gaps between the Botox treatments.
I got off the couch feeling determined and resolute that this is what I wanted to do and, that with or without a voice I can help others feel better and regain their health.”
Kate has recently opened a small salon in Balzan called ‘Kate’s Wellness’. This is from where she will pursue her dream, using her expertise and her own personal experience to help others.
Kate’s Wellness – 52, Sir Antonio Micallef Str, Balzan.
Contact Kate on : kateswellness@gmail.com
