24 Jul Making a Pink Difference for Breast Cancer Awareness
First published in Pink Magazine July Edition
Being diagnosed with cancer is usually devastating. Even if the prognosis is positive, initial feelings of dread or even denial are inevitable. We’re usually full of empathy towards those who have to go through the ordeal, but often, family members and friends of cancer sufferers are forgotten, even though sometimes, fear and the lifestyle changes caused by cancer and its treatment become overwhelming not only for sufferers but also for the people around them.
Feelings of sadness, anxiety, anger, and even hopelessness are often reported by those closest to cancer sufferers. There may also be shifts in relationships that can prove, to say the least, challenging – children can go from being cared for to being the carers, and parents can go from being protective to feeling helpless.
I met with a few people who have seen family members suffering and surviving breast cancer. They share some invaluable life lessons with Pink and priceless words of encouragement that can only come as a result of an unforgettable experience.
Dr.Gregory Attard, Sean Cutajar, Shan Francois, Hussain Timothy Borg, Gabriel Felice, Steven Ross Galea
Three years ago Gabriel Felice (23) had experienced what it meant to see a close family member suffering from breast cancer. That day remains imprinted in his mind and heart forever.
“I was in my bedroom studying for an exam,” he recalls. “My mother walked into my room and said ‘Gabe, I have something to tell you;’ after that I don’t recall much of her words; all I know is that I didn’t do much studying after that conversation.”
Gabriel tends to bottle his feelings inside, so his first reaction was to take out his anger and fear out at the gym. “Deep down it was killing me,” he explains, “I tried to get it out by working out and by playing football. I also said a prayer every night for her but the most important thing I did was that I never lost hope.”
That was three years ago when the shock of finding out that the horrible news of a close family member was suffering from breast cancer was still fresh and overwhelming. Today, with lots of help and support, Gabriel’s outlook on the matter has changed completely. “Back then, it was like a gunshot to the chest, but today I realise that it is something that can happen to anyone; no matter who you are. I went from being that person who just heard stories about survivors and people who lost their battle to breast cancer, being the one going through the rollercoaster experience of breast cancer.”
Although Gabriel’s life went on like before this experience has made him value life more than ever. “I am still studying and working,” he explains, “and I still play football and go to the gym, but now I just live one day at a time and, I make sure that I enjoy each day to the max. I try new things and I try to be adventurous whenever I get the chance because this experience has taught me that you never know when your time will be up.”
In this same spirit of adventure Gabriel plans to climb a mountain in aid of Europa Donna Malta and Action for Breast Cancer Foundation Malta. Together with four of his very close friends who, have in some way or another all been affected by cancer, Gabriel will be heading out on this extraordinary climb in order to raise awareness and funds for this cause. “We’re going to Italy to traverse Mount Blanc,” he says matter of factly. “We’ll start from the Italian side, summit the mountain and end the trek on the French side. All the funds raised will be donated to both Europa Donna Malta and Action for Breast Cancer Foundation Malta.”
The initiative which has been named, Make A Pink Difference, is focused mostly on raising awareness among young people. “We think that awareness amongst people over 40 is pretty high, but when it comes to the younger generations, we think that more needs to be done. So we will be using social media to keep young people updated, informed and interested. We will also be creating educational videos regarding different aspects of breast cancer and, we will be speaking to survivors to share their experience with the rest of the social media community.”
Steven Ross Galea, 24, Shan Francois Hussain, 20, Sean Cutajar, 23, Gabriel Felice, 23, and Timothy Borg, 27, are all being trained by Dr. Gregory Attard to face the challenge head on. “We’ve known each other for years,” explains Steven, “and we’ve built a bond which means that we’ll be there for each other no matter what. Initially we just wanted to just climb a mountain, but when Gabriel suggested that we do this to raise awareness for breast cancer, we all agreed that it was a brilliant idea. I have always loved sports and training and one of my ambitions is to eventually provide individual training to help people enjoy a healthier lifestyle. This campaign will give me the opportunity to help people in a different way and all the hard work we put in will be more than rewarding because of the smiles and gratitude we’ll receive.”
Shan grew up in Gozo but moved to Malta when he was fifteen years old. That’s when he met Gabriel who in turn introduced him to the rest of the team. “It’s not just awareness that we’re after,” explains Shan, “we also want to educate the public; to let them know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.”
Sean still remembers the day when he found out about Gabriel’s loved one’s diagnosis. “In an odd turn of events, I found out about it a couple of days before Gabriel. Those two days left me in the most confused state of my life. I was in between a rock and the trust of a best friend. I couldn’t tell him because I felt that it wasn’t my place to do so, but I couldn’t not tell him because of the trust we share. A couple of days later Gabriel found out for himself and I came clean about knowing. Since then my own family was affected by cancer twice, and whilst it wasn’t breast cancer it was still a horrible feeling and this motivated me to climb even more.”
“I’m the eldest of the group,” explains Timmy as he cracks a joke about also being the most mature. “I’m also the newest comer to the team, and two very close family members of mine were diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully they were both diagnosed in the very early stages and are now living healthy lives, but when Shan and Gabe came up with the idea of traversing Mont Blanc to promote breast cancer awareness I jumped at the occasion. Thanks to this initiative, I’ve had the opportunity to meet the strong women behind the two breast cancer awareness groups in Malta, and I cannot find the words to describe what an incredible bunch they are. Getting to know the ladies behind this organization, particularly the survivors, and seeing their bravery and attitude to never give up, has inspired us even more to reach our goals and above all, to spread awareness among the younger generations.”
Roberta Portelli (23) was only 19 years old when her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.
“My mother always wanted to protect me so at first she didn’t tell me that it was cancer. She just told me that it was a lump and that she needed to have it removed. But then I heard her talk to my aunt on the phone and I heard the word cancer. Needless to say, I was shocked and when she found out that I had overheard she revealed that she was going to get operated on in less than 3 weeks.”
At first Roberta went into denial. She couldn’t cope with the shock and refused to admit to herself that her mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. “My mind refused to register the news. It went blank and I convinced myself that that my mum was just a little bit sick and that everything will pass and will be ok. Whenever I could I refused to use the word cancer and I didn’t use to tell people that she was sick so that I wouldn’t have to answer any questions.”
Roberta is an only child, and her father passed away when she was only four years of age. “My mother is everything in my life, so knowing that she was sick was really hard to deal with. Somehow I always had faith that everything will pass. It was probably the way I saw her fight with all her might that gave me lots of courage. Even on her weakest days she would get up, take a shower and change as if she were going out. I have to say that one of the hardest moments was when she lost her hair because of the medication. Before that she used to go to the hairdresser every week so seeing her like that was a real heart ache.”
“Even though years have passed and I’ve somehow come to terms with it, I still consider this ordeal as the toughest experience of my life. What’s different today is that I know more about it and the different treatments, and as they say knowledge is power. I also try to spend as much time with my mother as I can, I don’t take things for granted anymore. ”
“I always believed that you only live once and that you need to make the most out of life but with this experience my belief that we should live a good life and appreciate all we get has become even stronger. I believe that faith and courage helps to get you through anything. We all need to be aware, and stay on the ball. We have good treatment available to us today but we need to play our part with regular check-ups. I can’t stress enough the importance of going to the doctor if you feel a change in your body.
I’m constantly telling women to check themselves and to get regular check-ups. I know so many who are afraid to get tested and they leave it for year after year. I keep telling them that my mum never felt anything but she was lucky that it was caught during one of her yearly tests.
O wish that getting tested after a certain age was made compulsory, and that children start to be made aware as early as secondary school because you don’t have to be over 40 to be prone to cancer.
Since my mother is a sufferer, I know that I’m more prone to breast cancer myself. This is a difficult thought to live with especially when I hear of so many people succumbing to the disease. The way I learnt to deal with it is to leave it in God’s good hands. Whenever I start to worry about it, I just try to think of something else and to have faith.
Today we have advanced medical technologies and in the near future I have faith that we will find some kind of cure. If you’re a sufferer you need to have courage and fight back and if you have a loved one diagnosed you have to give them all the courage you can. Death has to be the last thing that u think about. I know that every case is different and that it depends on the stage of the cancer but that’s why early detection is important and that’s why we need to do everything to spread the awareness.
Roberta’s mother was very troubled with the idea of having to consider a mastectomy. At first she resisted it but then told her doctor that if he thought it was necessary she would consent to it. Eventually it turned out that she did not need it and was relieved. “If I am ever at risk, I think I would go for a mastectomy,” says Roberta. “I think I would do it for my family, if I knew that it’s the best precaution I can take, I would do it.”
It’s been almost fifteen years since Rosanne Gera’s mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer.
“I was 27 at the time,” she recalls. “I was at home, with my daughter, when my mother called to tell me that she found a lump in her breast and that she was going to be operated on the next day.”
As expected, Rosanne was shocked because like most of us she never expected anything so bad to hit her family. “My daughter had just turned one and being the first grandchild my mother was over the moon. Her intention was to take care of her whilst I was at work. This is probably what upset mum the most. The idea of not being able to do this got to her and kept insisting that no matter what she will take care of Emma. True to her word she did this. Even whilst taking chemotherapy, she still used to take care of Emma. This is something I will admire for the rest of my life.”
“I still recall just how I felt when I saw my mother wearing a scarf. It was heart breaking, but today, when I see my mum driving everyone crazy, taking her role as president of XXXX so seriously and helping everyone makes me so proud of her. She drags me to every event that the group organises. I then drag all my friends who are all so willing to not only attend but also give a helping hand. With all that’s been done for awareness I’m still surprised when I realise that so many people still do not want to listen or read about the help that the group can offer.
“The thought of getting breast cancer myself is always at the back of my mind but I try to live one day at a time. I know that that day has to come I will fight it just like my mum did. Jas much as I believe in prevention having a mastectomy is not something that I would personally consider, but this is probably because I do not fall into the high risk category. Angelina Jolie for example had an 85% chance of getting breast cancer, thankfully that’s not my case, and every case is different.
It’s been thirteen years since Becky Abela (25) found out that her mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. She was only 11 at the time and it was her Becky’s sister Gabbie who broke the news to her. “My sister and I were having an argument about something,” she recalls, “when she suddenly lost it and blurted out that mum was sick and that she had to have a mastectomy.”
Becky was so shocked at the news that at first she kept staring at her sister expecting her to say that she was joking. “I looked at her flabbergasted. I waited for her to tell me that she was joking, and when I realised that she was serious, I walked out of the room, thinking that I could walk away from all of it. “At the time, I was approaching my teens,” explains Becky, “and I was in that usual rebellious state; not close to my mother at all. For some reason, at the time I felt that I could not build a strong bond with her but eventually I realised that had I never allowed myself to get close to her because I was angry at the situation, and especially angry at her. To my mind, she was my mother and she wasn’t allowed to get sick! As time passed we started getting closer but it took me almost ten years to get over the initial shock and to accept the situation because at the time I did not understand what was going on. At last I stopped blaming her, and realised that it was not her fault that she got breast cancer. Today we have a closer bond and I now realise how important it is for all the family to stay strong for the person passing through cancer.
I look up to my mother and the way she lives her life. She’s always on the go no matter what. When I’m her age, I want to be as active as she is. I want to be the same, making new memories and experiences despite anything that comes her way.”
Becky is very much involved in events organised by Europa Donna Malta and wears a pink awareness bracelet to raise more awareness. “People see the bracelet and ask me about it, and that gives me the opportunity to tell my story and tell them about Europa Donna. Every time I do that I know I’m helping in another little step towards more awareness. I think that people are still afraid of the term ‘cancer’ and would rather avoid the topic in general but this needs to change. I don’t believe in fearing something that hasn’t reared its ugly head yet. I try to live my life to the full, I travel, and I have as much fun as possible. There could be a day when I am told that I have breast cancer too, but there could also be a day when I get run over by a bus, or fall down the steps and bang my head. Anything can happen, but you can’t live your life in constant fear. My words of advice are to spend as much time with your loved ones, and do the things that you want to do so that when you look back at your life you won’t feel like you’ve lived in constant fear, but that you’ve achieved the most you could ever achieve.”
