25 Mar Obsess Me Not
This article was first published in FM magazine March 2011.
Do you have recurrent and unwanted thoughts that won’t go away? Is the urge to do something taking over your life? Or is your ‘obsession’ still at a controllable stage? Do you feel overwhelmed and is your behaviour harmful to you or others?
Alison Bezzina spoke to four women with peculiar habits, some verging on the obsessive. Most of us will read and laugh but should these women seek a remedy, or are they just toying with a little twist in life?
Ritty Tacsum (21) gets sick to her stomach at the thought of someone ever hearing her pass urine.
“I’m obsessed that someone is going to hear me, so I automatically block myself and can’t ‘go’. As ridiculous as it may sound, even when I’m swimming in the sea, I’m still worried that someone will hear me. I’ve had this obsessive worry ever since I was young, and because of it, I never managed to use public toilets not even at school when I was a kid. I’m just too worried about what others will think or say if they hear me, so I can’t relax enough to actually relieve myself.
Whenever I’m at the beach with my friends I have to find somewhere secluded where I can go do my thing all alone. I know it’s all extra hassle and I wish that I could do like most people do, but I just can’t. Over the years I’ve tried to confront my fear by pressing my tummy hard or by drinking a lot of water. I’ve also tried leaving the tap open so as to confuse people, but it just makes things worse because I still don’t manage to do it, and end up with a bigger need to pee.
Karen (22)* can fit all her worldly possessions into one bag, and it’s not because she’s too hard up to afford anything else. It’s a choice, or rather an imposition of her obsession – the need to have clear closets and drawers is stronger than her desire for material things.
“I need to get rid of personal items at least once a week. The amount of things that I give away or sell could be as abundant as half my wardrobe contents, or as small as a simple pencil. The bigger the amount of things that I get rid of, the better the feeling I get after.
I cannot even fathom the idea of having more than one of any item, like one bag, one purse, one keychain, and one pair of heels. If I have two items of the same type I get anxious to the point of triggering a panic attack. As soon as I get something new I get a daunting feeling at the back of my mind to throw something out, so if I get a new handbag for instance, I have to get rid of my old one. I usually give it to friends or family, or to the person who complimented it last. My biggest nightmare is the idea of a full wardrobe.
It all started about two years ago, and now I’m running out of stuff to give away. Usually the urge is stronger towards the weekend, when I get to spend more time at home. I have no idea how or why this was triggered. I’ve blamed it on boredom, unhappiness, OCD, but I honestly cannot find a connection that makes sense. For the past few months I’ve been seriously contemplating seeing a psychologist since I realise that it is getting out of hand and that it is a real burden to live with.
For Sera Dalli (28) the smell of paper and the feel of leather binding on her fingers triggers absolute joy. Sera is so obsessed with books, that she will more readily donate an organ than lend out one of her precious possessions.
“My room is completely filled with books, from the ceiling to the floor, shelf after shelf full of book collections which I treat like my children. Books have taken me from Middle-earth, 18th century London, Transylvania, to The Holy land, and the jungles of India, so each book is like a friend welcoming me into its hidden world which I can discover through my mind’s eye.
But it’s not just about the narrative! For me to consider a book collection complete, all the books have to be of the same height and have the same binding. If the spines have a hidden design, they must be continuously precise throughout all the books, and anything different is an irritating eye-sore that leaves me no choice but to hide them until I find the missing books to complete the collection. It is infuriating when publishers stop issuing books half way through a collection; it feels like my children have gone missing. This happened with my Tolkien Collection where the binding of the last book is different to the rest, so in my head I’m still missing the last book and the collection is still incomplete, and I’m still looking.
The collection that I treasure most consists of six books. When I had finished reading the fifth one I just had to get my hands on the 6th. It was six thirty in the evening, but I couldn’t wait until the next day, so I called my most trusted bookshop and I told them that I was on the way to collect it. I ran to the bus stop, caught the first bus and arrived just in time before they closed the shop. I was huffing and puffing and I remember the look on the old man’s face behind the counter. I finished reading that book that same night.
Of course, I don’t think that I am overly obsessed, but I suppose even a drug addict would have a hard time accepting his addiction.”
Estelle Grech (36) has been a chocoholic for as long as she can remember and she will go through great lengths to satisfy her craving.
“I don’t recall anything in particular triggering it off, it just was always there! As a child I was a very fussy eater and till this day I don’t like popular sweets and desserts, but when chocolate is concerned, all that changes. Even my wedding cake was a chocolate cake as opposed to the more traditional almond cake!
I have been told that it’s an addiction because it’s impossible for me to imagine going without it, even for a few days. Depriving myself from chocolate would be akin to Chinese torture!
I did try on several occasions though. Once, following the usual Xmas over indulgence, I went on a week-long detox diet. This consisted of a strict regime of fruit, vegetables and plenty of water. Obviously no chocolate! I managed for the first two days but fell off the wagon on the third when in a desperate attempt to distract myself from the craving, I decided to clean out a drawer that had not seen the light in a long long time. I found all sorts of junk in its dark recesses, including a lonely sugar coated chocolate ball which rolled out from among the debris. It must have fallen out of an old wedding favour and I had no idea how long it had been there. It was covered in dust and other bits of muck, but to me it was the most beautiful sight ever!! With tears in my eyes I gingerly dusted it with my fingers, and popped it into my mouth feeling that incredible adrenaline rush!!
On another day I was stuck at home with the flu and got the usual uncontrollable craving. Since I was all alone and too sick to go out, I starting rummaging through my sin cupboard with the hope of finding a speck of chocolate, but no luck! Then I got a brain wave! I emptied a carton of chocolate chipped cereal on the kitchen table, picked out all the chocolate bits and ate them. When I was done and satisfied I did not even have the decency to throw it all away, instead, I put it all back in the carton and tried not to look guilty when my husband came home from work and helped himself to a bowl of cereal! Needless to say, after a couple of spoonfuls and one look at my face, he knew exactly what I had done!!
Claudette Portelli is a qualified psychologist, as well as a trainer and senior collaborator at the Centro di Terapia Strategica (CTS) of Arezzo (Italy) founded by Paul Watzlawick (USA) and Giorgio Nardone (Italy).
All the cases reported here show a state of idée fixe, each dominated by a recurring thought which often dictates a specific uncontrollable behaviour. The name originates from the French idée meaning idea and fixe meaning fixed. Although it is not used technically to denote a particular disorder, idée fixe is often considered a parent category of obsession and obsessive compulsive disorders. This state can become pathological when the individual’s life is completely taken over by an attachment to another person, being or object. Usually individuals get obsessed or fixated on things that they or others consider to be inappropriate, for example they can become obsessed with a lost love, with collecting something which is practically never-ending, obsessed about something they cannot control, or something that they cannot have. Sometimes they can become obsessed with something illegal or immoral or which is considered bad for them.
It is very easy for humans to obsess on particularly anything. An obsessiveve thought can get fuelled further by a compulsive act and our very efforts to block something or someone out of our minds and out of our lives, can turn that something or someone into an obsession, hence the common complaint – “The less I want to think about him/her, the more I do.” Whilst a compulsion often starts off as a means to generate pleasure, alienate from pain or anger, or relieve anxiety, overtime, the individual can then lose control and the compulsive behaviour takes over the his or her entire existence. Moreover, obsessions and compulsions can give the individual a certain identity and particularity (chocoholics, collectors, perfectionists, etc.) and their behaviour becomes their specific exclusive characteristic. This might give the individual what psychologists call “secondary gains” which makes that person more resistant to any attempt to modify this condition.
*Name has been changed for privacy
