10 Aug When Truth is Stranger Than Fiction
There was a story in last week’s papers, which, despite being raunchy in nature, didn’t seem to get much attention. It was about a married couple, a clandestine affair, and a baby. Now I know that there are many sides to every story, but because yesterday was Women’s Day, I’ve reproduced it hereunder from the woman’s point of view.
“I’m a married woman. I’ve been married for quite a while now, and though my husband is a good man, sometimes… things happen. No matter how hard you try, sometimes you just make mistakes, big mistakes, and that’s what happened in 2006 when I had an affair with another man.
For almost a year, my lover and I saw each other in hiding and, only my lover’s brother and a few of his family members knew about our torrid escapades. All was honky dory and I was having quite a good time. I had a good husband at home and an exciting sex life on the side, until one day, the proverbial crap hit the fan and I fell pregnant with my lover’s child.
Panic struck. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to leave my husband, but I was carrying somebody else’s child. Eventually I decided not to tell my husband anything and to stay married. I decided to let my husband think that I was carrying his child and at the same time to keep seeing my lover on the side. You might think that this is unorthodox but you don’t know my exact situation and circumstances so please don’t judge me…at least not yet.
As expected, a few months later I gave birth to a beautiful boy. My husband was ecstatic and so was my lover who also came to see me in hospital. As soon as I was dismissed I went to my lover’s house (he still lived with his mother), to show the baby to the family. The grandmother was delighted, and the aunt was in awe. We all agreed that it was easier to continue living this lie and not to tell my husband the truth. After all, as things stood, my lover and I could continue seeing each other and he could see his son whenever he wanted.
Life went on and it never crossed my husband’s mind that the child wasn’t his own so he automatically registered himself as the baby’s father on the birth certificate, and of course, the baby also got his surname.
But when the baby was only three months old, all went haywire. My husband found out about my affair and also that the baby wasn’t biologically his. Of course, he was very hurt and angry, but because he’s the type of man that he is, he didn’t leave me and he did not disown the baby either.
He did however expect me to stop seeing my lover…which, given the circumstances, was only fair, so I agreed. But this meant that my lover would not only lose me, but also access to his only son and, just as I expected, he took this very badly and started fighting us with all that he could. He even started legal proceedings to reclaim his right as my boy’s natural father and to change the ‘father’s name’ on the birth certificate. He also wanted our son to be given his surname.
Whilst the case was still being heard by the courts, my lover was allowed to see his son a couple of times at Caritas. The visits were very awkward and uncomfortable, and sometimes even my husband came along for the visits.
My husband had always considered the baby to be his own, and even after finding out that he wasn’t the biological father he wanted to continue bringing him up as his own son. He therefore did not want my ex-lover to be involved in any way and fought back to keep his name on the birth certificate.
Despite providing a DNA match to prove that the baby was in fact his, and despite providing witnesses who knew about our affair, my ex-lover lost the case. His request to be recognized as the baby’s father was rejected and he also had to pay all the court’s expenses. But he didn’t give up. He appealed the court’s decision and kept fighting.
Our boy is now six years old, and only last week, the appeal was also decided. Once again my ex-lover lost his case. Once again his request to be recognized as his own son’s dad was rejected. The court of appeal confirmed that he can have no claim on the child, despite having fought for him almost from the day that he was born.”
When I first read this story on one of our local papers I thought that it might have come straight out of a Harry Potter sequel; I thought that maybe the writer had embellished it a bit for effect, but I was wrong. Contrary to what I thought, it was all true – the court’s statement, with all it’s gory details can be found online under Civil Judgments number: 333/2008/1.
This is the explanation given by the courts to justify the final decision – according to our law, a child born to a mother who is married is automatically assumed to be the son of the mother’s husband. So long as the child is not stateless, which means so long as the mother’s husband declares himself as the father on the birth certificate, and (listen to this) so long as there was the physical possibility of the married couple cohabitating up to a maximum of 300 days and a minimum 180 days before the birth, then essentially the biological father has no case, the mother’s husband is taken to be the father, and that’s why this man’s claims were rejected. And not because there were ever any doubts that the child was not in fact his.
The child in question is now six years old, and though some might feel that this is the best decision for the boy to live a normal life without complications, I can’t help thinking that this is so utterly unfair and wrong.
Though the DNA test that was provided as evidence was not technically admissible, the court never doubted the ex-lover’s natural paternity. In other words the court believed that the mother’s husband was not the baby’s biological father.
And whilst I agree that a biological father is not necessarily someone’s dad, this particular biological father instituted legal actions and fought for access from when the child was only three months old, when seeing him became a problem.
Now imagine the situation in reverse. Imagine this decision being taken against a child’s natural mother. Imagine a mother who had given up her legal rights to a child for the first three months after birth, in the belief that she’d still have access to her child whenever she wanted, but who is then deprived not only of her legal rights but also to access to her son, not because there’s any doubt that she’s the mother, not because she didn’t fight for her son from the start, but because of a legal technicality. If that had to happen to a mother, we’d all be up in arms against the system.
In this case, it happens to be a man, the father, who’s getting the short end of the stick, so happy (belated) Woman’s Day to all, but let’s face it, double standards suck no matter whom they happen to work against.
First published in The Malta Independent on Sunday in March 2014
